Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Age of Entitlement: Parking

LA sucks because everyone has an attitude of ENTITLEMENT. It's sad, pathetic, and really starting to get to me. Here are three examples of entitled idiots I have encountered within the past week, all surrounding the daily task of PARKING.

Parking Incident #1 - The Bitch With The Meter

Since I am no longer working at Endeavor, I don't have the luxury of using the Endeavor parking garage. Thus, when I went for my daily luncheon with Ryan (we are on a "break" from Judi's Deli) to Mickey Fine's (a pharmacy/eatery one-two punch with solid food...the only drawback is the place smells like the old ladies who frequent it) I was frustrated when I couldn't find street parking. Ryan only gets an hour for lunch and had to be back at Endeavor by 2, and it was already 1:11. In response to this time crisis, rather than continue my quest for street parking, I drove an extra two blocks to a City of Beverly Hills parking lot that features a meter in front of each parking spot. Turning around my previous bad parking luck, someone was pulling out of a spot, just as I entered the lot. Perfect! I pulled in, stepped out of my vehicle, and placed a quarter in the meter when....a woman pulled up in her car and stepped out. She said, " I've been waiting in this lot for ten minutes and I'm late for a dentist appointment, can I have your spot?" I replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm late for a lunch meeting, so no, you may not." Note: This woman was nowhere near me when I pulled in to the spot. She then went on a diatribe that I was going to have a "bad day" and "terrible things" were going to happen to me. I almost gave in to this bitch, simply because I didn't want her to key my car or slash my tires...but I stayed calm and polite and explained that I'd already put money in the meter...this didn't matter to her, and she continued to rant and threaten me...just another day in Beverly Hills, 90210.

Parking Incident #2 - The Close Parker

I, like many "normal" people park my car on the street outside of my house. The other day, I parked behind another car, leaving the length of 2/3 of a car between the back of my car and the driveway of the building next door to me - thus, not enough room for another car to park. When I returned to my car two hours later, I saw that some asshole had parked his car literally up against the back of mine, meaning he banged his front bumper into my car, pulled back a bit, and then re-parked, with the front of his vehicle touching the back of mine. There were scratches galore and paint marks...so not cool. After kicking this schmuck's car a few times, I noticed that the person is my neighbor, as the vehicle had a parking pass for the same district as mine attached to the back of the car. Always a believer in The Code of Hammurabi (an eye for an eye), I promptly decided to rip off the jerk's parking permit before I left the scene (to cause this personal aggravation and financial loss comparable to what was done to me)...needless to say, I've been parking around the block as of late to avoid any physical conflicts.

Parking Incident #3 - The Spot Stealer

Parking around the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre in Hollywood is never fun, but it was especially not fun the other night when the Celebrity Scientology Center (across the street from the theatre) closed down three streets to stage some concert for their members. After driving around and around for fifteen minutes, I finally found a lady pulling out of a spot. I waited in a parallel position to her car with my blinker on. As she began to pull out, from out of nowhere, a guy in a Camaro with his lights off (at night) STOLE the spot I was waiting for by sliding into it before the other woman was completely out. When Mr. Asshole stepped out of his car, I said, "Sir, I was clearly waiting for this spot with my blinker on. Does that mean nothing to you?" His response was, "I live on this street, and it's hard to find parking, fuck off."

CONCLUSION: LA PEOPLE ARE TERRIBLE AND WILL ALWAYS BE TERRIBLE...MOST ARE LOSERS LIVING ON PIPE DREAMS OF GLORY WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF TALENT. LA PEOPLE LIVE IN AN ALTERED CONCEPT OF REALITY. I'D SOONER RAISE MY KIDS IN SOMALIA THAN IN LOS ANGELES.

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