Friday, April 18, 2008

Things to do and not to do in life...

Quick Observation about the UK: Don't so many foods sound like sexual acts? Toad in the Hole and Spotted Dick? Might as well be Rusty Trombone and Dirty Sanchez...

Update: Still no correspondence from Bill Bryson...not many days left for him to make it happen.

To do in life:

1. Go to Pompeii. The quantity of ruins is utterly incredible and dwarfs any other site of ancient ruins on earth. Note: Say you are from the European Union and under 25 for a 50% discount on your admission ticket. I learned this the hard way by answering that American was my nationality.

2. Road trip with three cougars through Sicily, so long as they're paying for the car rental...Actual incident: "Don't worry I've been taking oxy-contin for nine months now, I'll be OK to drive, " said Cougar #3. No less than ten seconds later a crazy Italian motorcyclist slams into the rear view mirror.

*To those who don't know what a cougar is, look it up at urbandictionary.com

3. Go to Malta. The Malta Experience and The Wartime Experience are two films shown that depict the island and are the best way to get an introduction to the people and the complex history of the place. Also, don't take taxis, use the old 1950s buses that still operate and cost about 70 cents to ride.

Not to do in life:

1. Don't go to Tunisia. There's seriously nothing there, at least in the Tunis/Carthage area. Everyone is scary and corrupt. If you do go, where nothing that identifies your home country. Don't pay taxi drivers until they've taken you on your complete journey. Negotiate like hell when buying ANYTHING. You can buy anything in the world for under five bucks.

2. Don't rely on Italians to get you ANYWHERE on time. Time means NOTHING in Italy...it's a guesstimate at best.

3. Don't go to Livorno. It's just a silly industrial town. It may be located in Tuscany, but there is nothing Tuscan or unique about it. It's just a working class crap-hole.

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