Thursday, November 8, 2007

This is so high school!

After catching a 1:40am bus out of Norwich that allowed me to sleep quite nicely thanks to National Express's reclining seats, I found myself in London at 5:30am last Sunday. I was poised to become a Superstar.

When I arrived on set, all I noticed was the cliquishness of the extras. I like to think of myself as cool/doesn't take shit but treats people with respect type. Luckily I found Marc (he rocks London 5 nights per week with his cover band, The Lizard Kings), and Rory a burnt-out Econometrics guy from the business sector, determining what financial job he'll take next. Within an hour, we were the three musketeers, committed to taking long smoking breaks (because we literally had to stand around for hours waiting for women to get their hair done once we were in costume), eating grotesque amounts of bacon/eggs/sausage, and making fun of everyone else around us.

There was one woman, whose name I will not mention, who I was informed was a former "Page 3 Model." I didn't know what that was at the time, but I knew that this woman had so many damn facejobs and other surgeries gone wrong that she couldn't arouse me if she were the only woman left on earth.

Surprisingly the wannabe actor types weren't as dominant as one would expect, but they were still there, talking about nonsense and superficial subjects, while fantasizing how close they could get to Dustin and Emma.

I never realized how much down time there would be as an extra, and in one day I plowed through Philip Roth's "Prague Orgy" and Thomas Pynchon's "Crying of Lot 49." (This ain't light reading either.)

We were ordered time and time again by Runners and people who deserved titles no higher than 8th or 9th Assistant Director...oftentimes they would command, "OK if you are seated at Table 13, we need you now" only to scream again and retract their statement four seconds later...

Near the end of the day, I said to my new frat-brothers in Chi Rho Alpha (XRA) Rory and Marc, "I think we should make a sitcom about life as an extra..." At that point I was informed that I was two years behind, because Ricky Gervais had beat me to the punch. When I returned home, the first thing I did was order a copy of Extras, Season 1 from Amazon.

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