Monday, September 17, 2007

Bums and degenerates running amuck!

OK, England, we need to talk, now! In general, I like your bums. They have pleasent accents and they aren't scary like many American bums (it baffles me that our bums still manage to be hungry AND fat at the same time)...nonetheless, there is one group of vagabonds who seriously irk me: The degenerates I see selling a magazine called THE BIG ISSUE.

OK, I have just put my foot in my mouth...I didn't understand why it seemed like every salesperson of this magazine was homeless with a mangy mutt barking at their ankles, but now I see, that indeed this magazine is designed to be sold by the homeless! Imagine that, and to think that I may have considered applying for an editorial position there!

If I do in fact need a job, I guess I can always throw on my rags and work for THE BIG ISSUE!

British Society Ups and Downs: I think it's really cool that you can have your bus ticket texted to your mobile phone. But when it came time for me to change my ticket the other day, from one time to an earlier time, I experienced my firsta true taste of British beaurocracy. When I arrived at the bus station, stating that I wanted to leave a few hours earlier than planned, I was told that personell at stations do not deal with tickets that are purchased on the internet or by telephone. This is absolutely ludicrous. I was forced to call a number (to the tune of two pounds for the call) to change my bus ticket. Not only did it cost 3 pounds to change my 10 pound ticket, but I was also charged 8 pounds fora new ticket. In essence, the transaction cost me 11 pounds plus 2 pounds to make the call for a total of 13 pounds. For that price, I could have purchased a whole new ticket, and an order of greasy fish and chips! How do Brits tolerate these kind of shinnanigans? For a spell, I even wished I was back at home riding the Chinatown Bus or Greyhound!

A first class lesson: I learned yesterday that the conductors don't really care if you sit in first class on the train from London to Norwich if it is an offpeak time, so from now on, I will be enjoying my free extra 10 inches of legroom and 8 inches of width while leaving all my plebian bretheren to suffer in agony in steerage!

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